“I still miss you. Of course I still do. But it has become much more of a routine that missing you isn’t hurting anymore. I miss you when I hate you and I miss you when I still feel your lips ghosting over mine. I miss you and that’s just all there is – bearable. Now it’s New Year’s Eve and I miss your drunken arse and your nonsense ramblings; but I like it this way. I’d rather be missing you than being with you and honestly, If I have to miss somebody forever, atleast I picked a good one.”
If I told you I missed you a long time ago, it would be the agony filled kind of miss. The i miss you that craves every inch of your touch, your lips, your grips and grasps, your shattered breaths and the kiss that cages my lungs. It would have been said by my poignant self – the melancholic, alcoholic, lacks any kind of frolic.
Now that i’m better, I still miss you. I still wouldn’t admit it infront of you but if I would, just know, that this longing I have for you is just the right kind of desire; and that’s just all there is – I miss you and it’s bearable.
I miss you and I can think of you without flinching on the idea that we almost had it. I miss you and I don’t blame either of us anymore that we could have been so much more. I miss you and it feels good because right now I can miss your smile all the while smiling too;
I can miss your grasps around my hair and feel the blissful sensation that wraps around my head;
I can miss your hard grip on my hips and not feel the desire to find comfort on your lips;
I can miss your hand and the way it roams my body like i’m made of silver and gold and not feel it clutch on my neck and see the way the darkness in your eyes unfold;
I can miss the way you fall asleep and not imagine you next to me and picturing you so at peace also puts me to sleep;
But most of all, my favorite part is that I can miss your eyes and not hate my coffee – I can miss how it looked through mine and feel how much you loved me, for, me.
And I would never forget about a half a year ago when you told me you missed me terribly, deeply, and senselessly and I know, my love, that you are almost here, too.
We will miss each other and that’s just all there is –
bearable, manageable, and warming.
and I hope that this unfinished business (us)
will only remind us that what we had was something beautiful.